Where do I even begin?
The saying you can’t do it all has never meant more to me. I unintentionally took over a year off from the blog simply because I couldn’t figure out how to add more hours to the day. With navigating motherhood to twins, working full time, attempted to keep up with relationships when possible, there just wasn’t a way to do it all. Not to mention any thought of “me time” was put on a back burner very, very far away.
I had every intention to share my journey as I began this new life. Truthfully, I have a handful of half-written blog posts that I clearly never published, and a notepad full of details I plan to eventually share. I felt like I spent the first year in a daze, with my brain not thinking clearly. Some days I was doing it all, and other days I was proud if I brushed my teeth before noon.
All in all, I don’t regret taking this time to shift my priorities. There is so much motherhood has taught me, and it’s been the most incredible experience to discover the world through their eyes.
I don’t think I ever really shared how scared I was to have twins. I always envisioned having each baby with enough time between to bond with them individually. With Justin’s job as a firefighter, and knowing I’d be going back to work, I was nervous to juggle it all. I vividly remember crying to my mom how I secretly didn’t want twins (the fear, how would we figure it out financially, the list goes on), and if I had known I could have gotten pregnant with twins I would have waited longer to start our family. Then I ugly-cried harder because I knew I’d regret ever saying or thinking such things.
If I’m going to continue being honest, the shock of having twins never wore off during my pregnancy. I sobbed as I hugged our dog when leaving for the hospital because everything was going to change, and I was just so nervous for it all. Even today, Justin and I look at each other in disbelief that we went from zero to two so quickly.
Those first few months were beyond exhausting, and I’m so thankful that with Justin’s job he’s trained to sleep irregular hours. The really challenging months flew by, and looking back, I actually miss the late nights (almost). Justin and I labeled this newborn phase the same way we describe his firefighter academy — a special time we don’t need to repeat. Our girls only recently started a more normal and synced sleeping routine. Prior to now they had different naps times and would wake up at different hours of the night, we just didn’t stop or have a minute to relax almost ever.
Through all avenues of life, I come from a place of yes, and strive to be successful by my standards. Anytime I face a challenge or am nervous about what’s to come, I repeat to myself: I’m not the first, and I’m not the last.
I remember when I took my first major sales job and was nervous if I’d be successful, I told this to myself over and over. It calmed me knowing that others were capable of being successful, and with the right attitude and determination I would be too. When we found out we were having twins, I said this over and over when I questioned how I would manage. We manage. We all manage. We are capable of doing more than what we give ourselves credit for, and our hearts can hold more love than imaginable. In most cases, when we shift to use the power of positive thinking, it’s really hard to get knocked down.
So here I am, not the first, and not the last to juggle motherhood, a career, hobbies, family and friends. I don’t have it figured out, and don’t plan to any time soon. I do plan on enjoying the ride — accepting the lows with the highs.
If you’re still reading this, thank you. This community is something special, and I am so fortunate to have such a positive village (physically and virtually) to surround myself with.
Wishing you all health and happiness! xx